I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
