Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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