idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
