Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
