Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
