I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
