OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
