I hate all girls vehemently.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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