I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
