we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize