I want to make a zoo with you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
