ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
