things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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