1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
