Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize