Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
