The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
