fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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