i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
