I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
