I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
