break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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