Jerry, you need to find god
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
