Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
now i know why i became what i already was.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
