The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
