Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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