Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
