I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
