why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
