I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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