Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize