the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
