How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
