Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
