the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
