so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
