this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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