he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
