Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
