called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
