Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
