And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i will never coherently bang her
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
