I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
