its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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