$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
