i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
