You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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