Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
