i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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