i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
