According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
