Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I AM VODKA MAN
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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