the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
