Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
