Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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