oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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