So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
