nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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