I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
