i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
