we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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