like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
