I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
