like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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