4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
