allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
North Korea, Best Korea!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
