You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
