I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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