my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
