my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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