He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
