you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
