Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
