you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
