I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
