I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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